From Grandpa, to Mom, to Dad, and back to Mom....memoirs of labor and delivery through the ages
Last night, on the phone with Grandpa:
EPP: Do you remember when mom was born?
GPA: Your mom? Oh yes.
EPP: Wasn't it the most exciting thing to ever happen to you?
GPA: Oh yes, The most exciting thing to ever happen to me, yes it was.
EPP: Do you remember when Grandma was in labor?
GPA: Yes.
EPP: Was she in labor for a long time? How long did it take for mom to be born?
GPA: Oh geez.....forever. It took a really really long time. We went to the hospital a few days before Christmas, she was born on Christmas, and then we came home a few days later.
EPP: Grandma was in labor for a few days???
GPA: Yes. Maybe 40 hours. No, maybe 24 or 27 hours. Something like that. That's when she found out she had muscular dystrophy.
EPP: Oh my god. She was in labor for that long??? Jesus. You know, I was asking because I've been reading some things that suggest that labor is hereditary, and that my labor will most likely be like my mom's and grandma's. That's why I was asking. Hmm, maybe her labor and delivery took so long because she had muscular dystrophy?
GPA: Yeah. It did. That's why it took so long. Because of that.
EPP: Oh. That really sucks.
GPA: It was a really long time before your mom was born.
This morning, on the phone with my mom:
EPP: I talked to grandpa last night. He told me about when Grandma had you.
MOM: Oh really? What did he say about it.
EPP: He told me how grandma was in labor for like 24-27 hours. At first he couldn't remember, and he told me she was in labor for like 40 hours, but then he remembered that it was more like 24-27.
MOM: 24-27 hours?
EPP: Yeah. You know, it took longer because of the muscular dystrophy. She said that she went to the hospital a few days before Christmas, and then came out a few days later, and that she obviously had you Christmas morning.
MOM: Oh. That's what he told you??
EPP: Yeah.
MOM: Do you want to hear the real story?
EPP: That's not the real story??
MOM: Um, no.
EPP: Well yeah I want to hear the real story!
MOM: OK, on Christmas eve night, they were out in the driveway putting presents in the trunk of the car, because they were heading to great grandma and grandpa's to have a drink and open some presents. While they were standing in the driveway, putting the presents in, Grandma's water broke. They went to the hospital. Between 11 and midnight, she started having contractions, and I was born at 5am.
EPP: What?? That's totally different than what grandpa told me!
MOM: He doesn't remember. Grandma told me the story several times. Men just don't remember.
EPP: But grandpa said it took longer because of the muscular dystrophy.
MOM: No, it didn't. They did find out after I was born that she had muscular dystrophy, but only because the nurses noticed she was having trouble getting out of bed.
EPP: Oh my god, your story sounds SO MUCH BETTER than grandpa's.
MOM: I'm telling you, men just don't remember. They remember for a few days, and then they remember but it starts to get fuzzy after a few weeks, but they just forget. Kevin might remember more, because he seems really involved--although your dad was really involved, why don't you call him and ask him how long I was in labor for the three of you? You know, don't you?
EPP: I've heard stories, I can't remember.
MOM: I was in labor for you for 8 hours, my water broke two hours before my contractions started. For your brother, C, my water broke and my contractions strated immediately, and I had him ijn 4 hours. For brother J, I was two weeks late. The doctor told me that if I didn't go into labor overnight, to meet him at the hospital the next morning. I met him there at 7:30, he broke my water, I started having contractions immediately, and he was born four hours later. So of the three of you, they were 8 hours, 4 hours, and 4 hours. And grandma was the same.
EPP: That sounds so much better that what grandpa told me.
MOM: It's the truth. Genetically, there is no reason for you to have a long one. Grandma had an easy labor and delivery as well. Men just can't remember. Call your dad, and ask him how long I was in labor for you guys. Some women's water doesn't break. Although, if it really does have something to do with genetics, then you should watch for that, because grandma's water broke, and so did mine, all before we had any contractions. Yours might too.
Later this morning, on the phone with my dad,
EPP: Hey dad, do you know how long mom was in labor when she had us?
DAD: (irritated) Why are you asking me this? I don't know.
EPP: Well, I've been reading some things that say ease of labor has a hereditary component.
DAD: I've never heard that before, I think that's a lie.
EPP: Well, I just wondered if you knew.
DAD: Well, it doesn't matter, because there's nothing you can do to control it.
EPP: Yeah, I know that. I guess it would just make me feel better to know that mom wasn't in labor for days or anything stupid like that, because then I can get myself all psyched up about it not being so long and awful.
DAD: I don't remember exactly how long your mom was in labor for you guys, but oh, it WAS long and awful. She was in labor for a really really long time.
EPP: Really?? A really long time?
DAD: Yeah. I don't know exactly how long, but a super long time, and it was a lot of painful hard work. She was in labor a lot longer than she wanted to be, I can remember that. She was in labor a lot longer than I wanted her to be, too, because I was really excited for you guys to be born.
EPP: That sucks.
DAD: Yeah, it sucks, and there's nothing you can do to control it, so, you're just going to have to suck it up, and accept the fact that it's going to be long and tough. But it'll be worth it. It was worth it for the three of you!
After hanging up from Dad, and back on the phone to mom,
EPP: He didn't remember. He had no idea.
MOM: I told you. What did he say?
EPP: First, he got irritated.
MOM: You should have told him you were testing him. He was just irritated because he can't remember.
EPP: Then he told me you were in labor for a very very long time, and it was awful and painful.
MOM: !! That's not true! See! I told you he had no idea!
EPP: He said he didn't know for sure, but he knew it was a long time, and that you were definitely in labor a lot longer than you wanted to be.
MOM: See! See! Men just don't remember these things! I told you he'd have no idea! Kevin will be the same way. They just forget. Moms never forget though.
posted by ElliottPreciousPants @ 8:34 AM
6 Comments:
Yowza.
Well, my last labor was pretty horrible so if men tend to think it's long and worse, hubby and I will be in agreement :).
that seems sad, since the only rept of andy's birth is from his father (his mom died when he was 4). he tells a good story, but i'm quite disappointed to find out that it's probably false! i'll have to ask his aunt, who is a labor and delivery nurse as well as about as close to his mom as was there.
andy's dad says that andy was born exactly 9 mos after a small snow storm- the kind that keeps people in for like a day. apparently the "big storm" that kept people in for a lot of days was the next week. so he says when he and andy's mom went to the hospital to deliver, no one was there, they had a private room, nursury to themselves, five nurses doting on them... the works. they had friends who, by some stroke (or stork) of chance, delivered a week later (imagine!), and the place was packed wall to wall with babies everywhere, bassinettes in the hall, couldn't get a nurse if you were bleeding....
and i told your story of dads not remembering in the nicu just now.
CM--unless the men in my family are freaks....your hubby would probably think it was long and horrible. I didn't realize yours was long and horrible. I'm hoping mine isn't!!
Melissa--I didn't mean to make you sad....really, I thought it was amusing. If you ask Andy's aunt, let me know if his dad was right, or if his dad's story was different. When you told people in the nicu, did anyone else mention if they had a similar experience or not?
kari--I think you are right. I also think though that it's just different from their perspective because they can't actually feel it. They can only guess as to the amount of pain you are feeling, and there's nothing they can really do ultimately. In my hypnobirthing class, they teach how men can help--like massaging your shoulders or your arm or something (when they massage your arm, it's called 'glove relaxation', weird, huh?). But I think reminding you to relax and breathe or massaging your shoulders isn't the kind of help husbands generally want to give--I think they tend to just want to 'fix the problem', and the problem can't be fixed, you're just going to have a baby and it'll be over. They can't really just solve the pain causing dilemma really quickly or anything. And that leads to "Oh man, she looks like she hurts a lot...when is this going to be over! It's been going on for hours now! She's been at this forever--this kid is never coming!" The anticipation of both the baby and the pain to stop for your wife probably makes it seem very long.
Now for my grandpa, I don't even know for sure if he was there...I mean, my mom was born in 55, did husbands accompany you then the way they do now? I'm not sure.
I told the story in my hypnobirthing class the other night, and the nurse who teaches it said that she has seen that lots of times. She said that when moms come in, they know what time their water broke, what time their contractions started, how many hours they had been having contractions when they came in, and afterward they can recall what time the baby was born and stuff. She said that for dads, it's usually just a big blur.
Funny.
oh- not sad... just unfortunate, and sort of ironic. when i said this to the guy in the nicu, who had just experienced the birth of his third child by an awful procedure that he isn't allowed to go watch, although he argued that he should at least get to stand at the window (we didn't let him), he said, oh, yeah, when that kid starts to get born (he attended the last two births), the wifey is all hurting, you're just standing there like a clown, going, breathe, breathe, it will be over soon, good job. but you're thinking, holy sh*t i can't believe what the f**k i just saw, and you just wish to hell it would be over all ready, for her sake and your own.
yup... he said that in front of me, a counselor, his wife and newborn child, and god and everyone. in the nicu.
!!
Ha! That's awful! And hilarious a little.
Sounds like the guy doesn't have a problem with honesty.......geez.
Poor wifey, and newborn child, and entire nicu. You and the counselor and God--you've heard other stuff that's more shocking I'll bet.
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