Am I some sort of abusive wife?

I just had lunch in our lunch room upstairs. There was no one especially scary up there, and inf act most of the people I like very much.

We were talking about airports and luggage and weight requirements. One person mentioned how they lowered the weight limits, and he and his wife had to pay a lot of money to get their things home for Christmas. I mentioned that we also had more weight than was acceptable, but we rearranged some things and carried some more on as carry on items.

I had been shopping with my mom, and bought these cute three bunnies that were made of fiberglass. They were the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil bunnies. To get down to the weight limit, we took them out of the suitcase, put them in a plastic shopping bag, and Kevin carried them on. I already had a carry on and my purse, so he carried the bag with the bunnies around the airport.

One guy mentioned how nice my husband is. I agreed that he is very nice, that he's very laid back, and does things like that for me very frequently.

But then, the conversation took a turn for the ugly. Then it started to get into the 'Your husband is only going to tolerate being treated that way for so long, he's only going to stay laid back for so long, and you are very lucky that he tolerates you the way that he does.'

!!

This wasn't from just one person, it came from several directions.

I said that yes, Kevin's ability to be so laid back was probably a huge reason that we got along so well, but, his ability to go with the flow was something I thought he inherited long before he met me, because his family was extremely difficult, and therefore it was just part of his nature to be laid back, as a way of dealing with his family as a child. And now, that worked well for me, because he's still much more relaxed and laid back than I am, so it still works out well.

I thought it was pretty understanding of me to be able to admit that: A. I'm not always a ray of friggin' sunshine to deal with, and yes, Kevin and I are a good match and B. I talked about how great Kevin was.

But it wasn't enough, because then I hear things like, "You are always mentioning the nice things your husband does for you, and you never seem like you appreciate it much, you should consider yourself lucky that he puts up with you the way he does" and "It'll be interesting to see how tolerant he remains of you after you have this baby!"

I mention it sometimes when Kevin does nice things for me, because I am happy and appreciative when he does nice things for me. I mentioned that he carried my bunnies through the airport, because I am so appreciative of the fact that he does things like that for me.

And the thing is, they don't know the half of it. Kevin does stuff like that all the time. Melissa, remember when he toted our wedding pictures all over NYC because I wanted to bring them with me to show you? Did I make him do that?? No. Of course I didn't. I offered to carry them several times.

And in talking to the people at work, why would I make a point of telling them about the nice things I do for Kevin? I tell them things because I want them to know how awesome of a husband I have, not because I am trying to tell them how awesome I am. Clearly you all know that our relationship isn't a situation where Kevin does everything while I sit at home on my butt and watch TV and eat chocolates....give me a break! I guess I always thought of it as a partnership. I remember to send his mom a card on her birthday, he carries stuff for me sometimes. I make lasagna for dinner because it's his favorite- he empties the trash. I make the grocery list, and put the groceries away--he carries most of them in the house from the car.

So, my question to you is this: Is it husband abuse if we are out somewhere, like say the mall, and he offers to carry some of my shopping bags, and I let him? Is that not ok? If I am trying something on, and ask him to keep all the bags with him while he's sitting in the store's 'man chair', is that bad too? What if I ask him to keep my purse with him, because sometimes I do that too? Am I going too far, am I taking too much advantage of the situation?

Whenever we go somewhere and he holds a door or carries my bags, I always think of it as chivalrous or something, something he does because he cares about me and wants to let me know. I never considered that it's just me taking advantage of him or manipulating him in some way. Now that I am pregnant, he insists on cleaning the bathrooms, too, because he doesn't want me breathing the fumes of the cleaning stuff while carrying our child--is that ok? Is that wrong? Am I doing something mean or bad or wrong that he wants to do that? I usually let him clean the bathrooms, because if I start to he gets all mad at me, (actually, he's not that good at bathroom cleaning, and in the mornings when he's gone to work, I spruce things up a bit and he doesn't know) because he doesn't want the baby exposed to the fumes. I personally think women clean bathrooms while pregnant every single day, and it's no big deal, but since he thinks it's a big deal, I just let it go.

Am I really a jerk for letting my husband do things like that for me? Is letting him carry my bags and put gas in my car really mistreating him?