Today's Dilemma

My only friend here at work has put me in a tough situation, by no fault of his own. Let's call him Scotty.

Scotty is great. He has made it worth my while to come to work everyday. We are close to the same age, he rocks, and his wife is awesome, too. And we have become pretty good friends while we have been here.

Now working here makes you crazy and depressed.

The last day Scotty came to work was February 10th. He had been previously diagnosed with bipolar disorder, had some suicidal idealogies, and they committed him for a week to a mental hospital.

Now a few days went by of him just at home sick before this happened, and then his awesome wife e-mailed me and told me what the situation was, but that Scotty didn't want ANYONE else to know, because he was embarrassed about it.

I've been in touch with Scotty, and because Scotty is so likeable, lots and lots of people have noticed he is gone, and have asked about him. Since everyone knows we are friends, they come to me all the time and ask me. All I can say is, I don't know. All I know is that he's out sick.

Well, as you can see, that's been for weeks. I don't like lying to people, I talk to Scotty once in a while, and tell him that everyone is very concerned, and he is usually like "Well, isn't that nice that they are all concerned. Frankly, I wish they would mind their own business".

I understand. People here should mind their own business. But, despite the fact that he and I may think most of these people are crazy a-holes, he's been gone a long time now, and obviously people are going to start asking questions.

Of course, EVERYONE thinks I know more than I am saying. And they tell me that. And they are right, I do. But I am trying to fend off questions, trying to not be a jerk about it, and try and protect my friend's privacy as best I can. Even when I say things like, "Obviously, it's a private matter or else we would all know" people don't get the hint. One guy in particular, who worked very closely with Scotty (we'll call him Mr. PH for Potato Head) asks me every single day if I talked to him, if I heard from him, if I heard any news about him, and so forth. I'm always like "no" or "I talked to him (or his wife) and he's still sick, but no he's not dying." I don't know. I ask Scotty what he wants me to tell people, and he says things like "Tell them to mind their own damn business" or "Don't lie, but don't tell them anything" and "I have no idea what I am going to tell people when I get back." It's tough to tell people nothing without lying. It's tough to tell people to mind their own business, when they are just asking out of concern.

So Mr. PH came in today, asked me if I heard anything about Scotty, and when I said no, he asked if I knew Scotty's address so he can send a card. He wants to send Scotty a card because he's been gone for so long, without explanation. I do know Scotty's address, but only because I just asked his wife for it on Friday to invite her to a jewelry party. But I don't know. Scotty told me that his therapist and he have decided that one of the triggers for his illness is work, so I don't know how much interaction he wants with people from work. So a card doesn't sound so bad, but, it's not really my place to give out his address to the nut jobs we work with, is it? And in all honesty, while I have been to his house several times before, I don't know his address, and only have it by chance. So when I told Mr. PH that I don't have it, and suggested he ask our boss for it (let our boss handle this. He knows I know what's going on, he knows what's going on, and while people come to be constantly and ask, no one ever goes to him). Mr. PH flat our accuses me of lying. Which I am. BUT ONLY because I just got the address, and because of the circumstances. Then he asks me for his home e-mail. Honestly, I don't know that. Whenever I talk to him, I just call him. He accuses me of lying then too, saying that I must know if because I correspond with his wife over e-mail. I point out that he is right, but that I e-mail her at work. Not at home. So he asks if I will send her an e-mail asking for their address so he can send Scotty a card.

Jeez. Does this guy ever give up? Yes, I know, he's trying to be nice. But damn, ever heard of www.411.com? Or maybe a phone book?

So I e-mail awesome wife. Tell her Mr. PH wants to send a card, wants address, should I give it to him. I offer to call her husband at home and ask him directly if she prefers I do that, but, honestly, I hate to bother him with work stuff.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can continue answering the concerned/nosy questions at work, still be polite, not lie, but not give up anything private for my friend? I figure 'He's sick' is true, but I've used that a lot, and now people are starting to say things like "Jesus, he's been gone almost 7 weeks, what's wrong with him?" "Is it serious?" "Is he dying?" I want to answer in a way that won't freak people out, offend them, or tell them anything. And make them stop asking me.

What should I do?