17 weeks and counting...
17 weeks today, rock on. More than 4 months. Sweet.
Next monday I meet with my nurse midwife again, but next tuesday--I'll be 18 weeks. Sweet.
americanbaby.com says the baby is 7 ounces now, babycenter.com says 5 ounces. One thing I read says it's the size of a large onion, another thing I read says it's the size of a hand with fingers fully spread out. My hand with the fingers fully spread out is much larger than a large onion, it's more like the size of a melon. Maybe they should specify, someone with a small hand, all spread out. Yeah.
I'm actually not feeling so excited right now--honestly, mostly nervous. I was talking to kevin last night about it, and I think I was making him mad. All I can think about is, what if the baby's dead? How do I know? I don't know. I don't feel anything. It seems like any number of things could go wrong, and maybe I will go monday for my next appointment, and they won't hear the heartbeat, and I'll find out the baby stopped growing three weeks ago and is dead.
Kevin was all like, "Stop talking like that! Think positive!"
But I'm scared. I can stop talking like that I guess, but, I can't stop thinking it.
They say I am supposed to feel the baby move soon, so, hopefully that happens right away, and I can stop worrying. I will feel better then. I will feel better after they hear the heartbeat at my next appointment.
Is there something wrong with me that I am worried about this stuff? Please tell me I'm not a freak, and that other people worry about this too. I know it's probably all right, but....it might not be. Things happen. I'm so afraid that it might not be all right.
posted by ElliottPreciousPants @ 7:48 AM
3 Comments:
Your conversation with Kevin is identical to the conversations I've had with Tarzan. You would only need to substitute Tarzan's name for Kevin and mine for yours.
Every so often I wonder that and lately I'm a little paranoid even though being paranoid does no good and I'll have a few appointments soon so whatever there is to find out I'll be finding out anyway.
It's completely natural to feel that way. Just know that after the first trimester the risk goes down DRAMATICALLY. Also, there is no point in creating stress about it at this stage. The best thing you can do is be happy and healthy for your little one :). (See how easy it is to be rational when it's someone else you're talking about? :))
Thank you!
I keep telling myself to relax, and well, if something has gone horribly wrong, there's nothing I can do about it anyhow, so, there's no sense in worrying about it. What's done is done, and most likely everything is fine, because I am through that first trimester, and everything has gone well so far, so, it's unlikely that something has gone horribly wrong.
I am glad to hear though that you and your husband are having identical conversations:) For some reason, that assures me even more that the paranoid feelings I am having are normal, so they don't really mean something awful happened.
Thank you:)
i think you said it best- if something bad happens, you can't do anything. i've seen women who know something bad IS happening (because we tell them it is), and it's excruciating, since really, there's nothing you can do.
What you can do is feel positive about yourself and your pregnancy, eat healthy and exercise. it's really normal to be scared and to want to be in total control- all this is happening in your body after all, you'd think you'd have more of a say in it! it's likely that things will go well now, so i hope you get to spend more of your time now being pleased-pregnant instead of scared. ultimately, you are doing the best possible stuff, and soon you will have a babypants to show for it!
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