Think on this for a while.

So I know this girl that I like very much. Her and her husband are in the process of a divorce. She is involved with a man now who is much older than her (Tom Cruise Katie Holmes style), who, in my mind, was sort of waiting in the wings for her marriage to fail. They were good 'friends', and then hooked up one time, and well, since her marriage wasn't that awesome, she decided to leave her husband, but NOT because she wanted to persue a relationship with the older guy--that's what she says, at least. So anyhow. Older guy, is a little less divorced than she is, but is actually beginning the process now. Older guy has been married to wife for like 16 years, has a 15 yo daughter with wife, and wife has a college aged daughter that he has been a father to the entire time they have been together. So there's some background.

Had a conversation with my friend today, because she's angry at old guy's wife. Old guy's wife is being a real pain about the divorce, doesn't want to get a divorce, being really mean and angry about it. And allowing daughters to be angry at their father too, instead of telling them not to be.

Well duh.

Of course, my friend claims that their marriage has been over for a long time, and can't figure out why she's fighting the divorce. She says the kids are very angry at their dad (old guy) for leaving their mom. Mom gave advice to college age daughter that she should still be nice to old guy, because after all, old guy is paying for her college still. But daughters are angry at him.

My friend thinks that's awful. I think that's just the way the cookie crumbles. Mom is right--daughter should be nice to father, and treat him with respect, if she wants him to keep paying the tuition. It sucks, but it's reality. She reads old guy's e-mail, and daughter told him in an e-mail that she is so angry with him for leaving her mom, that she wants to punch him in the face.

My friend thinks that's just terrible, and that one should never ever say something like that or feel that way about their father.

I told her that obviously I don't know any of them, but, it seems to me that his daughters are just angry about the breakup, and that they are taking their anger out on their dad because he's the one initiating the divorce. Looks pretty obvious to me, right?

My friend thinks that it's still wrong, and they should be angry at their mom too, because she did things that made him want a divorce, like make him take the trash out and spend his money. They should also be angry at mom because she's already posted her profile online with thoughts of dating again, which is worse, because their dad isn't dating anyone else yet. And, mom has threatened suicide.

Well, I pointed out, that technically, if she is sleeping with their dad, and dating their dad, their dad is technically cheating on their mom. And mom probably suspects this, and it's not uncommon for jilted wives to threaten suicide. At least not in my experience.

She thinks that doesn't count, because they apparently don't know that old guy is seeing my friend. But I think that still counts.

Personally, I question whether or not that's true. Through my experiences, I think the wife always has an inkling when the husband is cheating, and I'll bet they know more than my friend thinks. But that's just my guess. And it seems to me, like kid always know the score. Me and my brothers always did.

This frustrates me. Because my friend is part of the homewrecker team. And I like her very much. But what she is doing--is just wrong. I'm not saying she is totally to blame, because obviously, the old guy is more to blame. It's his family that he is screwing up, he should be the one concerned with making it work out, not my friend. But since I have felt intense anger at both of my parents for things they have done during my dad's affair and stuff--and have told them some awful things I have felt and thought about them (ok, really, mostly just my dad)--I feel like I can understand where the daughters are coming from. So one told him she is so angry she wants to punch him in the face. Big deal. I told my dad, that I was so angry, and that he hadn't just lied to my mom and betrayed her, he had betrayed all of us, and lied to all of us, and ruined our family. I told him things like, "I love you dad, but basically, I don't believe anything you say". And meant it. And even though I love my dad still, and I really do feel like I have forgiven him--sometimes, when I talk to him, and he pays me a compliment or tells me he loves me, I think to myself "Right. You loved mom too, and you had sex with another woman. You loved my mom the way I love Kevin, and yet, you had sex with someone else, and you lied to all of us. How can I possibly know that you really mean what you say, when you could so easily lie to the person you are supposed to love, honor, and cherish forever?"

And then I instantly feel guilty. Because he's my dad. And I love him. And I forgive him. So where did all those awful thoughts come from??

Point is--if the old guy's daughters are angry with him for leaving their mom, they are allowed to be angry, and to say a few crappy things, because what he is doing is affecting their lives in a miserable way, and they can't do anything about it. And the truth is--let's just call a spade a spade- their dad's a cheater. If they are making him feel bad, that's good, because he should be feeling bad. He deserves to feel bad, because this is mostly his fault. I'm not saying he should stay with his wife if he's not happy, but deciding to leave your wife after you start nailing a girl 26 years younger than you, well, that's not the right way. He's changing the lives of his wife and daughters forever, and it can never be undone. I'm not saying it won't be OK again, but some things, you can never take back.

OK, am I right, or am I just jaded? I suspect I am mostly just jaded, because ever since my dad's affair, and watching it destroy my mom and hurt our whole family, well, I just seem to see things differently. Thoughts?